The Coaching habit

In a Harvard business review article “Leadership that gets results” David Goleman, the psychologist and journalist who popularized the concept of emotional intelligence, suggested that there are six essential leadership styles.

Coaching was one of them and it was shown to have a “markedly positive impact” on performance, culture and bottom line. At the same time, it was the least used leadership style.

Why? Goleman wrote “Many leaders told they don't have the time in this high-pressure economy for the slow and tedious work of teaching people and helping them grow.

What's the book all about?

I personally found useful reading "The Coaching Habit" of Michael Bungay Stanier: it provides a valuable framework to coaches and managers as concerns communication with teams while offering a valuable sequence of questions.

Please find a summary below and some further comments on the coaching process.

"Managers have spent years delivering advice and getting promoted…and have the added bonus of staying in control of the situation. On the other hand, when you're asking questions, you might feel less certain about whether you are being useful, the conversation can feel slower and you might feel like you have somewhat lost control of the conversation (and indeed you have. That's called “empowering”)."

The author also highlights 3 main disadvantages of directing rather than coaching people: creating overdependence (teams become excessively reliant on you), getting overwhelmed, becoming disconnected from what impacts really.

Remember the 20/80 rule of Pareto? 80% of the results comes from focusing on 20% of the activities? Coaching should go hand in hand with this concept in my view.

Why should you read it?

Instead of falling into the “Advice Monster habit”, the author suggests a good sequence of open and empowering question most managers could use. Starting tomorrow.

And please remember: one question at a time. Just one question at a time.

1. The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?”

A safe way to start that quickly turns into a real conversation. Because it's open and focused at the same time, it invites people to get to the heart of the matter while granting the autonomy to make the choice for themselves.

2. The AWE question – “And what else?”

Three little words that have magical properties. As Michael Bungay Stanier advises, important is to:

- stay curious and genuine. - ask it one more time (generally people ask this question too few times rather than too many)

- recognize success: “there's nothing else” is a response you should be seeking; it means you have reached the end of this line of inquiry.

- move on when it's time: if you can feel the energy going out of the conversation, you know it's time to move on. 3. The focus question: “What's the real challenge here?”

Focusing on the real problem, not the first problem. People could be describing any number of things: a symptom, a secondary issue, a ghost of a previous problem which is comfortably familiar.

There are several challenges to choose from and managers have to find the one that matters most. Phrased like this the question will always slow people down and make them think more deeply. “What's the real challenge here for you?”, even better.

That “For you” is what pins the question to the person you're talking to. It keeps the question personal and makes the person you're talking to wrestle with her struggle and what she needs to figure out.

4. The foundation question: "What do you want?" Taking responsibility for your own freedom is notoriously difficult to do. This is ultimately what coaching does: facilitating choices so that people align what they do to who they are.

As the author points out, it deliberately focuses on the end before the means. It projects the mind of the person to the outcome, without letting the How’s of the next steps discourage him/her. Coaches want to always make sure to explore the Why’s behind this question: we want to make sure the inner motivators of the coachees are clear and that the journey he/she is about to make is consciously chosen. 5. The lazy question: "How can I help?" In the end being lazy is a good thing after all, author suggests: it's about encouraging and letting people know that you listen...while working less hard.

I personally use this question to check if the coachee feels strong enough to continue the journey he/she has chosen or not. It’s like saying “hey am here, although I think you are perfectly capable of designing a new destiny for You.” 6. At last: “What was most useful for you?”

It assumes the conversation was useful and have the person focus on the one or two key takeaways from the conversation.

When leaders take time and effort to generate knowledge and find an answer rather than just reading it, memory retention is increased: it’s like the discovery process travels through consciousness and becomes part of the person.

Telling something gets a limited chance of making its way into the brain’s hippocampus, the region that encodes memory.

An alternative I use in coaching is “What helped you most?”. And what else?” can always be the next question…as Michael Bungay Stanier strongly advises.

A simple but powerful add on.

Conclusions:

Author shows the advantage for organizations to transform from advice driven to curiosity lead: creating more resilient and ultimately successful corporate cultures.

One last note raised by the book which I encounter often and would like to comment upon.

Coaching for performance versus Coaching for development. The former is about addressing or fixing a specific problem or challenge: it's everyday stuff and it's important and necessary.

Coaching for development is about turning the focus from the issue to the person dealing with the issue: significantly more powerful. Calling them forward to learn, improve and grow rather than to just get something sorted out. When you start shifting your behavior from giving advice and providing solutions to asking question you will feel anxious. Learn to recognize the moment when you ask the question and there is a pause…a heartbeat of silence when you can see the person actually thinking and figuring out the answer.

You can almost see new neural connections being made. And trust that you're being useful...